No Child Left Behind: The Football Version

From Hoagies, No Child Left Behind: The Football Version:

1. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.
    
2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.
    
3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without instruction. Coaches will use all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.
    
4. All coaches will be proficient in all aspects of football, or they will be released.
    
5. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th and 11th games.
    
6. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals.

If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

When it comes to education, there is only one reasonable goal, every child should have the opportunity to fulfill his or her potential.

UPDATE: Hoagies also links to a Wall Street Journal article "What If Einstein Had Taken Ritalin?" which requires a subscription. I found an illegal copy here.